Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
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I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
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I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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