How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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