If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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