I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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