Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
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I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
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There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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