My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Say something about gay babies.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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