Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize