I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
No I am not eating basil off your cock
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I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We have so much sex to catch up on
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Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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