Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
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he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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