btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize