mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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