she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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