Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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