I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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