Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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