So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
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I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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