I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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