U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
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I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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