i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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