i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
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Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
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My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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