I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
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using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
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The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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