Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I need to calm my uterus...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize