Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My ass is underappreciated
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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