I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
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Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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