Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize