We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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