3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Please, let me fuck your mom
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
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I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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