it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
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he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
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Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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