didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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