you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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