She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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