pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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