OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
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She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
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I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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