Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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