So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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