Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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