I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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