wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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