I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
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my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
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I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
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