I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Randomize