Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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