i wish my penis had a tongue
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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