Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize