I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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