What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize