I think my fart just growled at me.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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