Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize