I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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