I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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