There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I intend to get homeless drunk
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I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
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Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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